Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
