Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck appropriateness.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
