Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
