i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I understand Curling. That high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
