why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize