there's paper in my vomit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
