fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
