Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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