youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
