i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
