I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
