I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
