Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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