i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
