I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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