mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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