I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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