I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
