I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
not ubering you a puppy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
