I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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