I can text with my tongue
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
