I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
