I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When are your genitals available?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
