Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
