i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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