i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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