yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
