Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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