You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
