i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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