is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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