i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
