Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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