Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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