The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
