Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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