How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
