fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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