Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
