oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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