We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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