I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
