I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
