Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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