some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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