so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
