i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
