I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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