I accidentally had phone sex last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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