I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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