I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
