I wish my penis had an off switch
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
