Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
