I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
