hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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