Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize