We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
