I molested 6 butterflies tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm really busy with my period
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