you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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