i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
