FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
