So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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