We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
