I will die if light touches me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
