I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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