there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
