My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
