Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
