the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
