he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
