dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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