Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
