Already got asked if we're dating
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
