i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
