Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
